it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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