I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
