I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
