this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
