but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
