This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
