I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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