I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
