sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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