Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
