party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
