Tell her she can't have a vagina
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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