I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
