Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
