He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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