Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
