So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
