9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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