on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
