They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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