This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
