I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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