I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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