Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
