I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
