Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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