I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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