What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
