Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
