I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
