And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
