Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
