so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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