my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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