we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
