I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
