My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
