I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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