I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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