dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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