what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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