Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
