Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
