this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
