Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
