There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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