Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
