Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
