just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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