been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
